So what if your father rejects you?
What do you do if your father rejects you? This is the question, indeed, a very serious issue for a growing number of young people in Nigeria today. Infidelity is obviously on the rise or rather, people are now more aware that, somehow, both men and women cheat on their spouses.
It is no longer strange in the developed countries – especially in Europe where modernisation has nuclearised the family, and created a gulf between spouses. In the United Kingdom, it is understood that about 70% of all paternity tests fail. Divorce rates are high, and people change spouses like they now change clothes. Several conditions have combined to create fertility problems for men and women who now depend on the thriving sperm donor business to get children.
Most of Nigeria is however still traditional even though no survey have been done to determine the rate of success of paternity tests. It is obvious that Nigeria has a large number of people who are not sure who their fathers are.
Several men have denied and rejected pregnancies of their girlfriends or spouses. Some men accuse their spouses of unfaithfulness as if they (the men) are faithful. Some have gone on to deny or reject their children – without recourse to any form of scientific proof that the children are not theirs. Some of the rejected children resemble the fathers rejecting them.
These actions normally have devastating impact on the children. Several grow up insecure, constantly searching for father figures; some work hard and even allow themselves to be abused to gain acceptance. What really should such children do?
Recently, a tearful young woman spoke to me about her father insinuating that she might not be his child. She was devastated. How could he do that to her?
My response to her was straight forward. Her father (whoever he is) and her mother are mere instruments in the hands of the Almighty God who desired and decided that she should be born. Just come to think of it. Not every sexual encounter – no matter how well calculated to fall on the woman’s “ripe period” results in pregnancy. Completely healthy and normal fertile couples do all they can without getting pregnant. No matter what anyone thinks or says, pregnancy (or the beginning of life) is a mystery that only God can explain. The Bible says that Sarah was barren and well advanced in age. Yet she gave birth by the decree of God to a baby. No one should be deceived into believing that he or she came into the world as a result of some accident of drunken or pleasurable sex. After all, the Bible says that before we were formed in the womb, God knew us, called us by name and has laid out a plan for us.
How far we go in life does not depend on who our parents are. Admittedly children from ‘normal families’ may do well initially. History, however, provides us with ample examples of successful people who were initially rejected or do not have what we may consider as good or proper background. Jephtah, a judge in Israel before kingship was instituted was driven away by his brothers because, according to them, his mother was a prostitute. He stayed focused on his skills and God given abilities. The same people, who chased him away, went begging him to deliver them from their enemies and lead them.
Some of the most prominent persons in world history, and indeed, in Nigerian history did not have “good backgrounds”. Some don’t even know their fathers. Joel Osteen, recently spoke of a Governor in the USA and Israel, the award winning worship leader, who did not know their fathers. It is sufficient to know and trust God. Orphans do well in life. Refugees do well in life. It is a choice that we need to make. Rather than waste all your energy trying to win someone’s approval or acceptance, it is needful for children or people in such situations to do the following urgently.
1. Move out of toxic environment. People trapped in rejection environment would need to move out of such environment. They need to be around people who value them and accept them as being wonderfully made in the image of God. Once someone rejects you, it means he has moved out of your life. Anyone who moves out of your life was not meant to be there, anyway. Anyone who moves out of your life has nothing to offer you. God usually sends a better replacement.
2. Put Cotton wool over their ears. What we constantly hear affects us. Besides, moving out of toxic environments, where possible, they need to block their ears to the negative things being said. They need to retune their ears to new channels and messages. It does help to be around people who see the good that you have and acknowledge the good things that you do. The more good things you hear, the more good things you will do. Move near people who believe you and encourage you.
